Now that I'm one of precisely two people in my acquaintance who's actually reading Countdown, I figure that puts me in optimal Mocking position.
I actually spent some time at my job tonight thinking about precisely how I should go about it. What would show my disdain for Countdown, while illustrating just how shallow and empty each issue is.
It occurred to me, that using l33tspeak was almost made for the task. It's shallow and laughable, much like this series. So as the first in what may return as a weekly post, I give you...
Captain Marvel & Mary Marvel
Mary Marvel: OMG, u r teh albino!
Captain Marvel: M, we g0tst4 tlk
Forerunner & Monarch
Monarch: U g0t skllz. J01n my t34m.
Forerunner: Kk. I pwn u if ur a d1ck.
Holly: OMG, 4maz0n Bo0b1es!
Piper & Trickster
Piper: WTF?! W3 pwned teh Flash!? 4 re4l?
Trickster: D0n'7 b3 a b1tch. Ju5t u n me n0w.
Mary Marvel & Captain Marvel
Captain Marvel: Ur a pr0bl3m, M. U haxx0red pow3rs frm Bl4ck 4dam.
Mary Marvel: STFU, n00b. Im 0utt4 h3re.
Sadly... that's the essence of Countdown #44. Each grouping of pages could actually be summed up by two... well, I hesitate to actually call them phrases... how about strings of l33tspeak. I've just saved you $2.99, gentle reader. Let me know what you thought. It could just be that mine was the only diseased mind to find this amusing. But if anybody enjoyed it, I might have a reason to keep throwing money at DC. Who knows?